On seeing my friends sharing memories of their experiences and collective hazings we experienced in the university exams of our MBBS in a secret group,two things particular come to my memory(though not of MBBS,but of internship)
- An anesthesia PGT giving advice to me over hours on how to seduce the nurses in their building etc for an hour and me nodding along(and having no way to say that I had no interest in women)
- The OBG PGTs (women of course) interrogating me for a couple of hours in the labour room over my whole life to find out any trace of a single girlfriend in my life in a certain February or March midnight.
vṛndāyai tulasidevyai priyāyai keśavāya ca|
kṛṣṇabhakti prade devī satyavatyai namo namaḥ||
Her dhyāna śloka has been given elsehwhere
dhyAyechcha tulasIM devIM shyAmAM kamala-lochanAM | prasannAM padmakahlAra-varAbhaya-chatur-bhujAM ||1||
kirITa-hAra-keyUra-kuNDalAdi-vibhUShitAM | dhavalAM shuka-saMyuktAM padmAsana-niSheduShIM ||2|| (shyAma varNaH)
There is no free will. Even in the attainment of good things or bad.
Iti horaśāstre(referring here to Bṛhat Parāśara hora śāstra,Chap 2,śloka 3)-
avatārāṇyanekāni hyajasya paramātmanaḥ/jīvānāṃ karmaphalado graharūpī janārdanaḥ//
अवताराण्यनेकानि ह्यजस्य परमात्मनः|
जीवानां कर्मफलदो ग्रहरूपी जनार्दनः||
[Indeed,the unborn paramātmā has had many avatāras. Janārdana in the form of grahas(graharūpī) grants the karmaphala of living beings.]
Basically,whatever little will you have is also coloured by your past karmas. Your svābhāva which influences how you respond to whatever situations you get and the impressions your receive in your formative phases –they too are a result of your prārabdha karma. What can possibly be changed to make this better in long run is your attitude towards what you receive and how you manage with the cards you have been dealt with.
Sarasvatī indeed has deserted me(she’s deserted me for some years…what was there for two years before I entered college was merely what was left of my good fortune),and the presiding deity of the mind has not been kind to me at all for quite some time. It’s deeply depressing.